Miss You Forever, Can't help it! / Mum (Mum)Read >>
Miss You Forever, Can't help it! / Mum (Mum) Oh Mike
I miss you everyday of my life! I can't stop it and I don't even want to try! I know I have to get better so I can have my spinal fusion in September so I will try to relax and not stress so much!
I know you have Nanna in Heaven with you and I'm sure you'll be showing her around and helping her. You alway had/have such a kind heart. Somedays it still hard to realise that you truly are GONE AND WILL NEVER COME BACK! At least here where I can see you can cuddle you. I have been told many times by many different people that there was a reason you had to leave us so soon. But I'm still coming to terms with the "Why"? I suppose when it's my turn to join you I will find out. Please just know I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET YOU AND WILL ALWAYS KEEP YOUR MEMORY ALIVE FOR ALL AND ALWAYS IN MY HEART!! Close
Every event or day that passes by i think and hope that you'll walk back through the door. Tables have turned and sooner or later i will be walking through your door to receive one of your warm, strong and hugs.
Hearing your pain / Julie McGregor Joel's Mum Read >>
Hearing your pain / Julie McGregor Joel's Mum
Roxanne,
I have a beautiful email friend in the states who lost her son 31/2 years ago. She too didn't have time to say good-bye, and neither did I, which is very hard. She reminded me this week that TCF says it takes approx. 5 years for a mother to start healing after the death of a child. Give yourself time and be gentle with yourself.
Be ready for the 2nd year - in some ways it's worse as the shock and numbess are wearing off and we are faced with the reality of life without our precious sons.
Time does heal (I am told, and am believing) but we also acknowledge our lives are changed forever, and in time we will learn to live our lives without the intense pain, and with our sons forever in our hearts.
Talk to other bereaved parents - it really does help.
1yr Anniversary of Mike's passing 4th Feb 2009 / Mum (Mum)Read >>
1yr Anniversary of Mike's passing 4th Feb 2009 / Mum (Mum) Hello my Darling Son Mike,
I am finding it so very hard to believe that an entire year has gone by without you here in my life! How can it be? How can 12months have gone by without you here with us?
Why haven't I gone crazy yet? Some days I feel as if I must be crazy that's for sure! I talk to you everyday, sometimes out loud and other times quietly in my mind.
But Somehow, life has gone on :(
Some days drag by, while others are here and gone in the blink of an eye! I know your Dads and my life will NEVER EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!!
I can't say for anyone else as not many people talk to me about how they feel without you here anymore. I don't know if it's just they have gotten on with living, working etc. or if they feel afraid if they talk about how they feel, I may become upset or cry. You know, I just wish they would just talk to me! It doesn't matter if I get upset or cry! I do everyday anyway, so what does it matter? There is nothing anyone can say or do that would upset me more than I already am! Losing you was/is the most HEARTBREAKING thing any parent or person could ever endure!
I would like someone to talk to, someone who understands or even someone who may not understand but can empathise with me! I have not met anyone who has touched my soul as you have and I don't believe I will, not on this earth anyway. Your Dad of course has touched my soul, but not like you! He is a wonderful husband, understanding and as you know, "The Best Dad in the Whole Wide Universe!", as you so often said:
But he is NOT YOU!!
Mike: you are I were so connected by our souls and even though I feel your presence so much at times, it just breaks my heart to know I will never be able to hug you or have you say: "I love you Mum" ever again in my life! I would give anything I have to have one of your special, wonderful hugs once more.
I think one of the hardest things is we never got to say "Goodbye", we never got to hold your hand one last time, we never got to hear you speak one last time, we never saw your cheeky grin one last time. It's all these little things that tear into my heart, ripping it to pieces one day at a time :(
If I could have bargained with God, I would have! I would have traded places with you in a millisecond! You didn't get the chance to experience so much that life has to give, it's just so unfair! Even though time does move on, it's hard for me to move on from the "Why?"
I've experienced so much guilt over your passing. I wonder if I could have prevented your demise into the world of "drugs". I know I tried in so many ways and so many times, but I still wonder, was it enough? I know I need to stop beating myself up over this, but as your anniversary approaches, everything feels like it's crashing down around me again! I relive your last few months and keep thinking, if only........
I know this does me no good and does not help my healing. I know I need to see our lovely psychologist again as she helps me so much! She helps me understand "I did everything I could to help you ,with the knowledge I had at the time."
This is a type of "Mantra" that I have to keep telling myself, so I can start to heal and learn to live without you here on earth with me.
I do try Mike, just sometimes my emotions get the better of me.
I think we got through Christmas and New Year okay as with the help of our psychologist, we prepared early and found it easier to cope. I feel this is something I need to do with your upcoming 12 month anniversary.
I will try my son, I will try for you, for your Dad (Trev), for your big sis Lisa, for your best mate and cousin Matt, for Carter, for Glen and for all our combined families and friends!
2009 New Year without our son Mike + THANK YOU / Mum (Mum)Read >>
2009 New Year without our son Mike + THANK YOU / Mum (Mum)
Some thoughts and ramblings from me for the New Year and some very belated thank you's to all!
It's hard for me to say, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" to people this year and really mean it deep down as my grief is still so raw. I know others should be happy and I want all our friends and family to be happy and have a wonderful New Year and I do wish them all the best for the coming year, however it's hard to accept any New Years happiness for myself as at present I don't feel I'll ever be truly deep down happy as I was before. Emotionally, I don't have that same deep down contendedness and happiness I once took for granted.
I believe we all take this for granted until we lose someone close to us, then we truly realise how precious life and family really are. It's sad that it takes a tragedy such as the loss of our son for us and others to realise what's important in life! It's not what we have that matters, but who we have in our lives! Our family and friends, these are things we can NEVERREPLACE! I know when we cross over we will not be thinking about our material possesions, but the people who were in our lives: Family and Friends, all irreplaceable!
I know we will never see our wonderful, special boy ever again. Not until we pass over and join him in heaven and for this I thank GOD.
I have learnt many things this year and one of them is that I'm not afraid of dying, as I know life on the other side is wonderful. If something happens to bring about my demise, I will be sad for the others left behind, my family and friends. They are the ones who will suffer and grieve and try to find a way to go on.
Please Don't worry, I'm not planning on going anywhere just yet! I'm just putting my thoughts down here for all to see and show everyone how our loss has changed me. I believe we all have a predestined time to cross over and even though most of us don't know when it will be, I want everyone to know that I will be okay when it's my time. Don't be sad for me for whatever the cause, my suffering will be over and I will be reunited with Michael.
What we are doing now: After Christmas, over New Years
We have come to Sydney for a week over New Years, just to get away from everything and try to recharge ourselves for the tough year ahead. Although we've enjoyed our time here immensely, it's hard to be TRULY HAPPY :( Knowing when we get home again, it will be the same, trying to live our lives without our son. Don't get me wrong, we've done a lot of things we always meant to do, but never got around to doing, like coming down to Sydney. The loss of Michael made us realise that we should do the things we've always wanted to do now, rather than later as later may not come.
We've now experienced Sydney's great attractions such as: Taronga Zoo, Sydney Tower with a "Skywalk" (very exciting!), Hyde Park Barracks, Imax Theatre, Chinese Friendship Gardens (very special to us as Mike's ashes are in the Chinese Temple at home), Manly Ferry ride, Great bus Tour of Sydney CBD with it's many old historic buildings etc, Powerhouse Museum, China Town, the Rocks (fantastic Historical buildings etc.), Circular Quay, Darling Harbour, many trips over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Opera House and the Fantastic Fireworks show for New Years Eve, looking over the Harbour Bridge, Also going on a bus tour of Bondi tomorrow: plus too many other things to mention! So in all we've had a great break away from everything at home and "Yes" we did toast Mike on New Years Eve when we had a drink at the Vibe hotel. I took some video's on our new camcorder and when I work it out, I will post some of it here on Mike's memorial site.
I'd also like to take this time to thank everyone who helped us this year, whether it be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, financial help or just being there for us and thinking of us and/or praying for us and our family. We really do appreciate everything everyone does for us. Sometimes it's just too much for us to thank everyone personally and sometimes the emotions overwhelm us and we don't have it in us to thank everyone properly.
So here it is A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!!!
The light of your love .... / Roy &. Julie McGregor Read >>
The light of your love .... / Roy &. Julie McGregor Close
My thoughts are with you andyour family / Alana (friend of lisa's Aquantence of michels. )Read >>
My thoughts are with you andyour family / Alana (friend of lisa's Aquantence of michels. )
The Beetham Family,
I am so sorry to hear about your tragic loss of your son.
I am an old friend of Lisa's and my memory of Micheal are only him as a child but he was beautiful soul and was taken far to early.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and friends.
I think what you are doing with this site is very inspirational and as a parent my self I will definanatly be doing my best to educate my son to the best of my ability,to stressto him the seriousness of drugs and there concerquences.
Your love for Michael is over whelmingly clear on this site and I know you will see your beloved son again in heaven where he is waiting for you.
New Baby: Mike now has a new baby second cousin!! / Mum (Mum)Read >>
New Baby: Mike now has a new baby second cousin!! / Mum (Mum) I know Mike would be very happy to hear his close cousin Jessica who was pregnant to one of his best mates, gave birth to a baby girl today!
I'm sure he would like to congratulate both Jess & Andrew and I know he was looking down to make sure everything went well with Jess.
Even though she had a long labour, she gave birth to a healthy 9lb 2oz little girl at lunch time today! Her name is Emily Kathleen June and she is beautiful.
In all this heartache we can celebrate the birth of this lovely little girl!
I know Mike would have been smiling down from Heaven to see Emily. Both Mum and Baby are doing well, although exhausted after approx 16 hour labour and no epidural! WoW - also her first baby!
Lovely to have a wonderful miracle like this happen in our family!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO MY WONDERFUL DAD! / Mum (Mum)Read >>
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO MY WONDERFUL DAD! / Mum (Mum)
DEAR DAD,
You were and still are the best Dad a child could ever ask for.
I am writing this through Mum, because sometimes it's hard for you to hear me.
Please know, I am always with you and yes I was there at Karts when you felt my prescense. I try to get through to you in your dreams, but it's very hard because I am still new to all this.
I know you miss me so very much and I too miss you Mum, Lisa and all my family and friends. It was just my time to go and I can't explain it any better than that. One day when you all join me here you will understand.
Please know I will always be by your side.
Even though when I was there with you I know I sometimes you got cranky at me, but please believe that when I said I was "Sorry" for something, I really did mean it at the time. It was just so hard for me, I know Mum thinks it's because of my ADHD and my doing things first, then only realising after the consequenses of my actions. I believe she was probably right, but you know I didn't understand it then, I do now.
Thank You for helping Mum to organise my Ashes Internment, I thought it was excellent and you know it was exactly what I wanted.
Thank You for always being there, through the good times and bad. Always being there for me through my night terrors, Hockey and all the great times away, Motorcross, my Ninja Road Bike and my few Kart races. You know I really did enjoy Karts, but I was a bit slack in helping, I know. I wanted to grow up to be a man you could be proud of to call your son, but that was not meant to be.
Just know I am trying to be that man now.
I Love you Dad.
I helped Mum pick out the presents, whether you believe it or not. I know she felt compelled to buy the things I picked for you.
Lots of Love to "The Best Dad in the Whole Wide Universe, No Matter What!"
Acrostic Poem written by Mum / Mum To Angel Michael (Mum) I didn't realise Lisa and Susan had already written an acrostic poem for Michael to read at our place after the Temple service. I'll put it in here, for those who wish to read it.
MICHAEL
My Sunshine, My World, My Heart. Insatiable Appetite Always. Cheeky, Charismatic, Charming, Caring. Handsome without a doubt. Always ready to have fun. Exceptionally Empathetic. Lovingly lived life to the Full.
Michael James Charles Beetham 26/04/89 - 04/02/08 Missing you Forever Eternal Love Mum
Acrostic Poem read at ashes Internment / Lisa &. Susan Beetham (Sister & Aunty )Read >>
Acrostic Poem read at ashes Internment / Lisa &. Susan Beetham (Sister & Aunty ) M - Michael James Charles Beetham I - Incredible C - Cuddles H - Honourable A - Awesome E - Exhilirating Motorsport L - Loving
B - Beetle E - Excitable E - Entertaining T - Troublesome at times H - Hockey A - Amazing M - Memories
I try so very hard every day my son, to make you proud of me, your mum. Sometimes I think I fail you even though I don't mean to, It's just so difficult some days, not to cry the whole way through.
I try to honour your memory but at times it's not enough! The emotions overcome me and I need to yell and shout! Please talk to me my precious one, I need to know you're about.
I wonder if you hear me? Or are my words in vain? Sometimes I feel you near and other times so very far. I even at times imagine, you are with me in my car.
Oh how I pray you can see inside my lost soul and my broken heart. For then you would know of my eternal love. You know words are not enough.
My love is an infinite feeling which bathes my very being, My soul is filled right up!
Nothing could ever shake my love, For you are my number one son.
You will never leave my thoughts or my prayers. You are my Sunshine, You are my light!
Today we laid your ashes to rest, it sort of strange in a way as I know you are at rest and peace already and have been since the moment you crossed over. It seems like today is more for us, those who are left behind. It somehow makes us feel better that we have now done everything we know you said you wanted.
Some people may not know this story and for those that do, please bear with me: I took Michael to the Tian Chung Chinese Buddhist Temple approximately three weeks before he died. On the way out he said to me, " If anything should happen to me, can my body be cremated and my ashes sprinkled here at the Temple?" Then he added, " Not that it will" and I readily agreed. Little did any of us know that a mere three weeks later something did happen, Michael was taken.
Thank you to everyone here today who took time out to help us honour Michael in this very special way.
Speech for Mike at home, after Ashes Internment / Jeff (Buddy) Godfrey (Sidecar Mate ) For Mike
It took a lot of time to think about this.
Several years ago I was sitting at Northgate Speedway messing with my bike before racing. When this young lad I had seen racing Speeway Karts,came up to see what my problem was. We go to talking about bikes, speedway, martial arts and life. Over the next few years, Michael never missed saying "G'Day" at a meeting.
He and his Dad I think were my greatest fans. Over time I realised Michael and I were very much alike.
He had a problem (with drug addiction), that I had already overcome. There were no worries between us. We ended up talking alot and became very firm friends.
We shared a common ambition - Me riding the sidecar and Michael as my passenger.
Although this never happened, IT SHOULD HAVE!
Now we are all here, not to grieve, but to celebrate Michael's life. A life TOO SHORT, but an eventful one. I will leave it to others to elaborate.
But for myself, Michael will always be in my memory, as my friend and as my confidante. He was the passenger I would love to have had.
Michael's ashes internment / Mum To Angel Michael (Mother)
It's very, very late. So I will be quick. I've added some new photos from the Chinese Buddhist Temple. I will add more tomorrow. It was a very different, but lovely service and the Pagdo and ash box service rooms are beaufitul.
We were all a little out of our depth as none us are Buddhist, and neither was Mike. But he actully asked for his ashes to go there, after he passed away.
It saddens me to think of all the things he's going to miss out on, like being a Dad, getting married one day etc. But I try to cover those memory of happy times with Mike. I miss him so much, it hurts :(
I'll just put up one picture here, the rest will be under the Internment Photo Album.
Tributes and Condolences
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